To be clear, I’m not suggesting any yoga teacher is lying about their experience as much as they may be unintentionally glamorizing the story - the same way new mothers rarely share how hard it is to be a new mother in an attempt to make it look effortless and dreamy to avoid being judged or deemed unworthy of this new role, when in reality, it is extremely difficult. But mostly, I’ve questioned the authenticity of these stories because that was not my story - not even close, and I feel confident that I cannot be the only one.

After almost 10 years of weight training, I was seeking a new way to move my body and yoga had just started expanding in the west. I took my first class at a popular yoga studio, and as I sat in a room full of yogis, some of which were sitting in mediation while others were already starting to move, I could hear ’Om Sanctuary’ by Jason D McKean echoing on the stereo system. I looked around waiting for someone to confirm that we were, in fact, listening to this soundtrack ironically - but to no avail. The practice was challenging but mostly confusing and I was constantly looking to the other yogis to translate the pose names from Sanskrit into actual shapes I’d attempt to create. At the end of class, I walked to my car with my mat tucked under my arm and sweat dripping from literally everywhere and I found myself thinking:

Well, that was a complete waste of time.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but I felt disappointed. I had sweat, but I was 90% sure that was because it was 800 degrees in that room (did they know it was that hot in there?!). Yoga wasn’t the kind of ‘workout’ I was used to and I felt lost and confused the majority of the time. On top of that, I was sure I hadn’t burned off enough calories to make up for a slice of bread, so, not only had I just wasted 2 hours of my morning, I was going to have to go to the gym anyways.

Over lunch the next day I was sharing my yoga experience with a friend. After hearing my story she insisted my experience was just based on not having ‘the right teacher’.
“I’ll go with you next time.” she offered. “I know all the good teachers.”
”I don’t think I’ll be going back.” I reassured her. It was only then I realized I had optimistically purchased a 30 day ‘intro pass’, sold to me by the perky receptionist at the studio - whom I now hated. After much debate, I decided I didn’t want to waste the pass and I would try it again. But this time I would adjust my expectations…and even go to the gym ahead of time. The second time wasn’t better. Neither was the third. Or the fourth. I was just as confused, just as under stimulated and even a little bored.

I wanted to like it, I really did, but it just didn't feel like much was going on. My lovely friend, bless her heart, made her last attempt to find the yogi she was so convinced lived inside me and she introduced me to the advanced side of yoga - the advanced Asana library to be more specific. Shapes like 8 Angle Pose and King Pigeon paired with brilliant photography had me scrolling for the better part of an hour, marvelling at the skill and discipline required to accomplish such shapes. Successfully, my lovely friend had pulled on the perfect string to get me to step back on my mat. I was, and still am a competitive person and a self diagnosed ‘gold star junkie’, so the idea that there was an entire advanced practice I could sink my teeth into was very appealing. With this mindset, I exhausted my month pass and when it expired I purchased another one, and another. As I continued to push myself towards these shapes a little more each day, yoga started to etch itself into my weekly and often times daily routine.

It was then that something interesting started to happen…

I started to gain my flexibility back. The same flexibility I had possessed as a dancer. I started to feel less pain in my body, no matter how hard I hit the gym. I started to feel different in a way I can only describe as energetically. I found myself becoming more mindful, more present, more powerful, more joyful, more content, more stable and more grateful. I found myself feeling happier and those feelings correlated with my practice. All of the sudden I found myself in conversations with other yogis, discussing the chakras and our energetic state, when less than a month ago not only would I never have participated in these conversations, I would’ve been rolling my eyes at them.

This experience lead me to look into taking a 200 Hour Teacher Training. I am a firm believer that even if the desire to teach or even practice yoga doesn’t exist within you, everyone in the world should participates in a 200 Hour YTT. The knowledge offered from this ancient and powerful practice could and has changed the way the world moves.

So, there I was, not even 2 years into my practice and I signed up for my first 200 Hour YTT. It was there that I met my Guru, Vishvaketu. When they say the right teacher makes all the difference, it’s because they’re talking about teachers like Vish. Vishvaketu is a ‘life changing’ kind of person and teacher. It’s not so much that he changes your life as much as he offers you the wisdom and clarity to change your own life. He allows you to see, to really see, who you are and what you’re capable of. 200 hours with him altered my intention behind taking a training and I found myself wanting to be a teacher. I wanted new yogis to understand that for some, yoga wasn’t a ‘love-at-first-sight’ experience. I wanted to show people that you can be strong and gentle at the same time, that you could reduce the discomforts and pains in your body and mind and that the more you get to know yoga on an intimate level and the more you show up for it, the more it will show up for you.

I’m not going to be one of those people that I was taking about before - I’m not going to glamorize this journey for you. So, I’m going to tell you right now…

Do not be fooled by the seduction of self discovery. Self discovery is messy.

It’s uncomfortable and draining and often times painful and it feels kind of like a breakup, because in a way - it is. You’re breaking up with the person you thought you were, or the person you use to be. You’re pulling off what feels like never-ending layers of masks, sitting under countless layers of veils that have been placed over your true self, and as you begin to strip those layers away, it is nothing short of overwhelming.

What I’m trying to say is the kind of teacher that Vishvah was for me, I want to be that teacher for you.

I want to help you discover how powerful and capable you actually are.

I hope we can spend some time together. On our mats, off our mats. In workshops or trainings or even on YouTube. I hope my guidance in this practice can aid you, even if it’s a single step on the journey towards who you really are. Trust me, you’re going to want to meet them.